When does it end...

Well, here's a nice little tidbit some of you might not know about me. I feel intensely, it is as much a gift as a curse. When I am passionate about something, I stick with it, and see it through. On my Microsoft review they said that "Willingness to take on big challenges and see them through." was a big strength of mine. I believe I am able to do that because I feel very strongly about things I believe in. Then again, that in itself is a problem....mainly because there is always the possibility that you might have overlooked some tiny piece of information that might bring your entire cause to the ground. "What's your point Ramphis?"....well, my point is, if you're so wrapped up on what you believe in...how and when do you know when to quit? It is quite simple in the corporate world when you feel a lot for a project and you're asked to let it go...."letting it go" is part of your job...you just do as your told, you didn't have to make the choice (I know its not always that simple, but bear with me). Regardless, whether you let your idea/project/whatever go or not, does not change the fact that you FEEL passionately about it.

Now, if you're painfully aware (as I am most of the time) of what needs to be done or what needs to happen so other things may take place....then it is your burden and yours alone to decide whether it's worth it. Which brings me to what I really want to talk about, when you believe in someone, and you feel passionately about that person AND you decide you've done as much as you can to create the opportunities for a relationship to blossom (and you'll do no more).....when does that feeling end? I mean, it feels sort of stupid regurgitating what I've read in books, poems, and essays about feelings, but everything seems new when you figure it out on your own for the first time. I'm talking about not being able to change your feelings, actually there's nothing you can do about them, its funny....that's where all these verses about helplessness come in. You are basically unable to modify something within your supposed sphere of influence. You can change your behavior, you attitudes, your ideas, philosphies, etc, etc, but you can't just say, I don't "love you anymore". Which brings me to the purpose of this entry....when does it end? I guess I'm not all that worried about me, but it does worry a little that there are some things that should be mine to control which are not. All the tools I have let me steer my feelings one way or the other, but once I get there...there's not going back....at least not yet..


"I'll make it to the other side, I always do" -Ramphis